I’m sitting in a box. My hands are sweaty and moist. People are packed into neat little rows waiting to be fed and watered. It’s like greenhouse really. Small little objects with their own desires and feelings growing within. But they aren´t getting anywhere, at least not for a while. People are communicating with each other constantly; with their bodies, changing positions to feel better, expressions in their faces, clothing, magazines they're reading etc etc. Some are asleep, some trying to make time go faster by watching movies or clouds below. They all tell their stories about themselves for people who are willing to see them. People walking in the aisle, harassing ones tranquility in that unique spot they are assigned. Irritating speakers tell for what to do. Just like the greenhouse. Little girl with curly blond hair walking by, watching me into the eyes with her small innocent eyes. Puzzled about all new things around her. I wonder if one could be like them once more. Amazed about small things, feel curious and excited about the next day. There are many amazing things in the world, they say. It’s all about your willingness to see them. Open yourself to the world surrounding. It’s funny. People grow up, they lose the ability to look at the world like children do. At least most of ´em. I think majority of the most successful people in the world haven’t lost that inner spark. Or they are just weird, different, separated from the others, at least in some level.
How much would you give for a drug that would bring back that same capability to look at the world through childrens eyes? For me it is the prize of a plane ticket. To go and explore world around. Talk with people about how they see the world, what has affected on them to make them a person they are now. It’s all about learning , eventually. Traveling satisfies some of the needs for understanding. Somehow I’ve always felt that just pure learning in a sense of school world has never felt right. Feeling jammed in a tube with both ends clogged. I mean, you are forced to think in a certain way, forced to learn things you don’t give a rat’s ass, only for the get the diploma you're pursuing so that you can prove yourself to be worthy. Don't get me wrong, there are people who enjoy their degrees but ye the creativity is doomed to premature death before you even realise it. Problem lies inside of everyone of us. Maybe it is courage we lack or just pure ignorance. Wind blows us to different stations with no destination. Personally I dread that. I need to find my way to channel the powerful feeling inside me until it’s gone, find the right train, before I just drift. I want to be something abstract. Abstract like contemporary art. Like when you see it, you’ll shit bricks.
I’ve never wanted to believe in destiny. Inability to sail my own boat, to be in a hands of some external power. I want to make my own luck. Then again, is it even plausible? To control your life? Or is it better to just go along? Day by day I start to feel that the truth lies somewhere between these two concepts. End of the day it’s all about adventure, not the destiny. It might sound like a cliché, but that´s why they are clichés or ”ultimate truths”, who knows, who cares. I’m on my quest to find my niché in this world. Like a rolling stone. Never stop exploring. Just do it. People who are figuring out how to sell us something we don’t need got at least one part right. Just remember to keep your eyes open, flip a coin in a intetrsection or just go with your guts. The answer is the same after all. One never knows what’s behind the next corner until you have the courage to take leap of faith. Right or wrong, one should never avoid mistakes. They are something that makes us stronger. Without errors this world wouldn't be the same. No mistakes, no progress. Just the same from day one until the end. That's not my destiny. My goal is to live and learn, one step at the time.
Sometimes I just feel thinking too much. Way too much.
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| I like flying. |
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